Chickens

So we had a long three day weekend and mommy was sick in bed the entire time. She swears it is not the swine flu but I think she is lying so she can keep on eating bacon. Bacon that she will only piece out to me in extremely small doses all the while she piles the piece high on her sandwiches! It is not fair! I work really hard trying to keep our home safe and the critters away from the deck. I am not just another pretty face I work hard for the bacon lady!

I digress, as mommy was in bed for most of the weekend I had a lot of time to myself. We have some neighbors that enjoy tormenting me way too much and I am getting pretty upset. Mommy calls them Chickens. Chickens, they look like a stuffed toy that I can really sink my teeth into. On top of being soft and mushy they smell like the sweetest treat mommy has ever given me, excluding sardines (Note to self, must add sardines to mommy's grocery list!). They are great fun to play with except that they will not play fair like mommy does and let me catch them every once in a while. To this date I have yet to sink my teeth in to one of them and I am getting frustrated. Their taunting is getting so bad that I am becoming a bit depressed. What am I going to tell the neighborhood girls when I fail to produce the savory treat I had promised them? I will never get laid at this rate!

They have begun to torment and taunt me. They sit on the fence and chuckle at me daring me to catch them. I have tried the 'stocking' move the cats taught me but just as I just to pounce they scatter in every direction and I am left sniffing the feathers they leave behind.

This weekend I partnered up with the cats. Wylie was the only taker out of the three cats at home. He is a great partner in crime! So Wylie had this great idea, he would be the distraction and I would be the loaded weapon. So he made his way close to the chickens as they ate the seeds I had dumped on the ground. The chicken lookout was watching Wylie very closely and on the count of three I sprang out from the side of the garage. I had never ran so fast! I manage to leap over the fence and grad one of them by the tail. That is when everything went wrong. I got attacked by twenty of them, peaking and scratching me I stood not chance and had to cry for reinforcements. All I could hear was loud laughter from the other side of the fence from Wylie. Some partner in crime he turned out to be.

I my recent failed attempts to catch one of these creatures this weekend I have endured several nicks and scratches. Now what the hell kind of ass would make a toy that fights back! I can understand the fun in the chase but DAMN those beaks can do some damage and don't get me started on the nails! Needless to say mommy was not too happy to get a call from the neighbors telling them I was in their back yard eating their tomatoes. When mommy picked me up and noticed the bleeding wounds from my attempts at chicken hunting all she could say was "I hope you are happy with yourself." and she band me from being allowed in the back yard by myself any more. Lucile must be present with me in the back yard, as she is the only stable puppy around.

Well back to the planning stage I must reevaluate the situation and come up with a new game plan. Until next time have a wonderful day and stay away from the chickens!